musings from a new mom on her birthday

Today, I turn 32, and what a beautiful thing it is to age. That truth is even more apparent watching our almost 4 week-old grow and change every day. Though on this day last year, our little family was in a very different place...

On the edge of 31, my husband and I were in the heart of our journey with infertility. Like so many, we spent months and months praying for our turn to be parents, and went through IVF — which means endless needles pushed through my skin and a deep sadness that hardly felt like my own.

I remember crying this day last year, looking at videos from when I was younger, wondering if I'd ever be lucky enough to have the chance to hear someone call me "mommy" like I did to my own mother.

Just one day after our wedding anniversary in May, we found out we were pregnant with who would become our little Chloe James — Chloe serendipitously meaning blooming and fertility.

For my daughter, I vow to be the best mommy that I can be, without ever losing me. To never lose the love I have for her father, our stability through the highs and lows. To never forget the way I romanticize every little bit of our lives together. To always remember my adoration for seeing the world and photography and scrapbooking and watercolor painting and writing and daydreaming.

I can't wait to see our favorite places for the first time again through her still-changing eyes, to see the things that make her soul feel as if it's alight with passion.

There has truly never been a little girl more desired and loved. xx